I’ve been meaning to write this story for a while now; it occurred over succos.
Unfortunately, as you can all tell from my last few posts, I’ve been in pessimistic mode. (Embarrassing to admit, but it's obvious). :(
Unfortunately, as you can all tell from my last few posts, I’ve been in pessimistic mode. (Embarrassing to admit, but it's obvious). :(
I do struggle with this daily. Is the cup half full, or is it half empty?
About one month ago, while at my parents in another state for Y”T, I was awfully stressed. It was weird to be home after almost six years of marriage, somehow feeling treated like I was a teenager once again. How does one deal with this? For six years, whatever decision I made was respected, and all the sudden, going through a divorce, I can be told what to do, when to do it, and how? I know my family loves and cares for me, but…….it’s still hard.
One day of Chol Ha’moed I hibernated in my room and turned on the music. Ironically, earlier that day I had gone with my family to do Tashlich, and although I felt a rush afterwards, coming home to absolutely nothing brought me right back down. I lay in bed for hours with the music playing, ignoring every family member’s attempts to cheer me up, get me to come down, or even answer their calls.
At one point, I heard the doorknob jiggle. “Go away.” I said.
No answer; just another rattling of the doorknob.
Frustrated, I got out of bed, and opened the door. As I was opening it, I started saying “I told you all to leave me alone……” but I stopped talking when I saw who was sitting on the floor, right outside my bedroom: my younger sister with down syndrome; my inspiration in life; the one person I look up to the most.
Immediately, I felt bad for being mean. But I didn’t say anything; I just stared at her, and she stared back with loving eyes. I left the door open, and went back to my bed. She got up and followed me, not uttering one single word.
I sat in silence; she stood in silence.
Then I noticed she had one hand behind her back. She reached forward, and placed her hand on my heart. I put my hand on hers, as we continued to stare at each other in silence. Then, she leaned forward, kissed my cheek, and walked out.
It was only after she left that I noticed…stuck to my chest was a sticker that said, “SMILE.”
I felt the tears form in my eyes, but immediately told myself to stop. She wanted me to smile, not cry. It was the least I could do for her.
That sticker is now stuck to my nightstand, and every morning, it’s one of the first things I see when I wake up. It makes me remember what a special sister I have, how much she means to me, but most of all, her one simple request: to SMILE.
About one month ago, while at my parents in another state for Y”T, I was awfully stressed. It was weird to be home after almost six years of marriage, somehow feeling treated like I was a teenager once again. How does one deal with this? For six years, whatever decision I made was respected, and all the sudden, going through a divorce, I can be told what to do, when to do it, and how? I know my family loves and cares for me, but…….it’s still hard.
One day of Chol Ha’moed I hibernated in my room and turned on the music. Ironically, earlier that day I had gone with my family to do Tashlich, and although I felt a rush afterwards, coming home to absolutely nothing brought me right back down. I lay in bed for hours with the music playing, ignoring every family member’s attempts to cheer me up, get me to come down, or even answer their calls.
At one point, I heard the doorknob jiggle. “Go away.” I said.
No answer; just another rattling of the doorknob.
Frustrated, I got out of bed, and opened the door. As I was opening it, I started saying “I told you all to leave me alone……” but I stopped talking when I saw who was sitting on the floor, right outside my bedroom: my younger sister with down syndrome; my inspiration in life; the one person I look up to the most.
Immediately, I felt bad for being mean. But I didn’t say anything; I just stared at her, and she stared back with loving eyes. I left the door open, and went back to my bed. She got up and followed me, not uttering one single word.
I sat in silence; she stood in silence.
Then I noticed she had one hand behind her back. She reached forward, and placed her hand on my heart. I put my hand on hers, as we continued to stare at each other in silence. Then, she leaned forward, kissed my cheek, and walked out.
It was only after she left that I noticed…stuck to my chest was a sticker that said, “SMILE.”
I felt the tears form in my eyes, but immediately told myself to stop. She wanted me to smile, not cry. It was the least I could do for her.
That sticker is now stuck to my nightstand, and every morning, it’s one of the first things I see when I wake up. It makes me remember what a special sister I have, how much she means to me, but most of all, her one simple request: to SMILE.
6 comments:
Wow so touching! Thanks for sharing it. Brought tears to my eyes. I worked with children with special needs for many years and yes, they were the ones you noticed when I was feeling down sooner than my workmates. A hug from them was a known cure. They are truly special in more ways than one! Keep smiling, I'm thinking of you.
behind a smile - thank you! I also work with children with special needs. Isn't it the most special, rewarding position EVER?
I'm glad I shared the story too. I have to start smiling....
Yes - loved it, I'm so sorry I left it, really itching to get back to it but not so easy.
Your lips are curling upwards...
nothing in life is easy. I'd definitely smile if you told me you'd get involved again...the field needs more people like you.
That's incredibly beautiful and special. Thank you for sharing this story.
That was so beautiful Psyched. I have tears in my eyes as I write this. You are going through incredible challenges and yet you still see the good in others and in yourself. That takes tremendous courage and I admire you for it. Be brave be strong..always know you are never alone!
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