I was never one of those girls who rebelled against Judaism. I grew up in an accepting home, always tried to what was right (most of the time), always believed Hashem took care of us.
Now, in my high twenties, going through a messy divorce, though it hurts to admit, I have doubts. I struggled to grab onto all the emunah and bitachon my heart can handle. I've done all the hishtadlus I thought I can do. I've spoken to Rabbonim, attended Shiurim, cried tears into my siddur....and for what?
Orthodox Judaism -- a beautiful heritage. Yet, it seems backwards to me. Why is it that a man who has caused me a countless amount of suffering, has power over me? How can it be that no Rav, though they know he is wrong, can override the fact that he won't let me free? Why is it that I feel like I'm more imprisoned now, then I ever was throughout many unhappy years of marriage?
HOW is this allowed? Nobody seems to have this answer. All the Rabbonim, all the Chashuv people, all those with long beards who learn all day.... what's the answer? So it's OKAY for me to be held hostage? It's OKAY for me to silently beg him to just let me free? It's OKAY for someone to torture another human being, and then throw salt on that open wound? It's OKAY for me not to be worthy of a life of happiness? A loving husband? A family?
Is this really what Orthodox Judaism is all about?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
No, it's not what true Yiddishkeit is about.
However, there is freedom of choice within the Torah, and, in the words of our sages, one can choose to be a "Naval Bireshus HaTorah" - to keep to the letter of the law but totally miss the point.
I doubt that what I just wrote brings comfort to you, but just know that there are people out there who care about you and are better than that...
No it's not what yiddishkiet it about. Just because he's being difficult doesn't make him right. Just because someone is a frum Jew, doesn't mean they are doing the right thing. There are rallies for agunos and the men are sometimes put in charem, but that's about all the rabbanim can do until he gives a get. Unfortunately it is too common nowdays. Too many people are hurting...
Wow that's so hard. I didn't know he's trying to withhold a get. Although it is so difficult for you to understand now why you have to be put through so much pain, just know the day will come when you will understand everything with tremendous clarity. Don't feel bad about the way you feel cuz it's totally normal and understandable. I think most people go through their moments of doubt. Maybe learn Shaar Habitachon or something with a friend or sibling. That's what was suggested to me when I went through a rough time..and it wasn't nearly as bad as yours. Good luck
How are you doing? I think about you constantly. Hope things are okay...
Psyched, MAZAL TOV!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're waiting for a new post with the exciting news but I couldn't wait to post!!!!
Post a Comment