Last night I had a dream; they were all there. His mother, his father, his sisters, his brothers, their husbands and wives, even some nieces and nephews. I chased my ex around the room trying to get one word in edgewise. Ironically, that is what most of my marriage entailed. The truth is, my ex was never a husband. But I discovered that I wasn't as mad as him as I was at his family. Aside from the terrible things they did to me, items they stole, comments they made, rumors they spread... why was I treated as if I was some sort of criminal? Why did everyone drop me like a hot potato the minute we separated? Why didn't anyone see how terrible I was treated; how abused I was; what a good person I have always tried to be? Why did I feel like this was MY fault?
I yelled at his mother. "How dare you say you know we love you the last time you saw me. How dare you even shed one tear? How could you even take my hand and act like you care. Why is your family just one big lump of lies??" The rest of the family shook their heads in disagreement. They all rolled their eyes. His father stood up, big beard and all, and started cursing me out. Then they closed the doors on me. "NO!" I screamed. "You have to listen to me, you have to believe me, you can't keep acting like animals!" But the sliding doors closed in my face, and I was once again, left alone. I heard whispering, I heard laughing.
Then the doors opened. They all moved out of the way and his grandmother -- the only one I ever really loved from the family -- came into view. She looked regal; I thought I saw a faint smile together with the tears that escaped her eyes. I ran over to her, calling her name. At least her love had to be real. I prayed that it was. I studied the look on her face. "Please Hashem," I silently prayed. "I just want the world to know the truth. I want them to fess up."
But that never happened. I woke up in a sweat. My heart was beating fast. Then the truth sunk in: I will probably never get that. Nothing even remotely close to it.
I yelled at his mother. "How dare you say you know we love you the last time you saw me. How dare you even shed one tear? How could you even take my hand and act like you care. Why is your family just one big lump of lies??" The rest of the family shook their heads in disagreement. They all rolled their eyes. His father stood up, big beard and all, and started cursing me out. Then they closed the doors on me. "NO!" I screamed. "You have to listen to me, you have to believe me, you can't keep acting like animals!" But the sliding doors closed in my face, and I was once again, left alone. I heard whispering, I heard laughing.
Then the doors opened. They all moved out of the way and his grandmother -- the only one I ever really loved from the family -- came into view. She looked regal; I thought I saw a faint smile together with the tears that escaped her eyes. I ran over to her, calling her name. At least her love had to be real. I prayed that it was. I studied the look on her face. "Please Hashem," I silently prayed. "I just want the world to know the truth. I want them to fess up."
But that never happened. I woke up in a sweat. My heart was beating fast. Then the truth sunk in: I will probably never get that. Nothing even remotely close to it.
4 comments:
Sadly u are right and may never get the apology u wish for. You have to know that u did what was correct and that it is only in the Oilom Haemess that it will all be revealed why it had to happen this this way. I wish you strength to continue to do what is right and Yishuv Hadaas to be able to put this behind u and continue on.
Looking back at a world gone mad and the tradgedies which have recently befallen individuals and communties it is clear that while in this world we have no answers in the next world there are no questions.
I sincerely hope that you very soon get the closure you both need and deserve. Toy.
Hey, thanks for posting a picture of yourself! You're quite the attractive one...;-) Is this a new tactic to snag a guy? :-P
What a crazy a dream. :-( I'm so sorry you're being treated this way. I'm sure his grandmother still does love you...she probably has more wisdom than the rest of them.
anon - very true, though the day to day remains difficult. Amen to your bracha - thank you!
BAS - AMEN!
SIS - veeeeery funny ;) Yeah, it was pretty crazy. I like to think you are correct; that his grandmother is the only one who misses me and doesn't understand why this had to happen.... she is a very wise woman indeed. And oh, what a lady. Only decent one in the family :P
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